Once I got married though, I didn't really see the need to keep that blog going, so instead of just not updating and letting the spiders find it and spin there interwebs for future brides... I deleted it. That was ONE of the many mistakes I’ve made in life, but the good thing about learning is that once you erase the blackboard, you can always write upon it again.
I have now transitioned from the crazy single chick on a mission to make sure she looked damn good in her wedding dress, to the madly insane wife of a police officer. lol yes I laugh as it's just a joke really... I'm not madly insane just a PMDD, PTSD, panic and anxiety disorder sufferer which leads to its occasional bouts of depression.
I realize that there is a huge closet population of PMDD; PTSD; Panic Disorder; Anxiety Disorder; Depression sufferers out there. How do I know? Because I am one, and I know one when I see them. Either by their words on a Facebook post, Sharecare blog, email, tweet, or personal conversation... I know who they are, and they know me too. We just know.
It’s a secret society... only we don’t have a 12 step program... we have a private meeting with a specialist that we pay to listen to our frustrations but can offer nothing of value but a blue piece of paper and another appointment to further the stress of having to pay more money to a disease that just doesn’t stop.
When I created this blog back in February it was to document my journey to the Spartan Race (in June) and The Tough Mudder (in November). I dropped out of the tough mudder because my disorder told me I won’t be ready to deal with winter temps in mud and water for 12 miles. Why? Because after the Spartan race in June I sunk into a deep depression; my anxiety & panic attacks were FIERCE and taking over my life... Why? Well if you insist... I weaned off of my medications to control them... Why? Boy you are very inquisitive aren’t you? Because DH and I want to start a family and the side effects greatly reduce the likelihood that I will have a normal child... Whatever normal means, but as a mother-to-be-but-not-yet it is MY responsibility to make sure my child gets the best head start it is afforded in life. Do you have any more questions about that? I think it sums it up nicely.
Back to what I was saying… So I dropped out of the race before it even started... I’m not regretting my decision... the race isn’t going anywhere... I’ll sign up for next year and hopefully I’ll be ready or with child.. one or the other it’s on the bucket list, so as long as the world sustains past 2012 I’ll be good to go, but I digress... I have to change the focus of the blog now because I’m no longer focusing on the races. I’m focusing on using fitness, something I’ve been passionate about since I was a teenager, as a means to get a hold of this Insanity.
The challenges are the PMDD and the depression because one goes hand-in-hand with the other. It all revolves around my menstrual cycle which is like being at six flags every day for an entire year... roller coaster after roller coaster (it’s no wonder I hate roller coasters) It’s a viscous cycle… kinda like laundry. Once the Spartan Race was over and the depression and anxiety took hold the workouts started to seize up. Housework and yard work and some occasional dog walks were about the extent of it my work outs. Which isn’t bad at all because I kept physically active with functional exercises in the form of everyday living, but it wasn’t nearly as intense as what I’m accustomed to.
For those that know me know I’m a personal trainer, I own my own business, which like this economy has tanked, but my optimistic self is keeping this train on course! And to broaden my base I am also a NASM Elite Trainer with Sharecare (since Jan 2011) and I am also an Independent Team Beachbody Coach (since Nov 2009). So I’m pretty rounded in the fitness industry as far as outlets to help people with their goals go, and I’m great at it. No self-plugging going on here... it’s just a fact... I can motivate people and get them to and beyond their goals. It’s just something that comes natural to me, possibly because I was in the customer service industry in the corporate environment since 1990 when I was able to start working as a teenager, oh and that I suffer from the aforementioned conditions.
Wait. I hear another question. How can I motivate people and not be motivated myself? Well, It’s not that I’m not motivated... far from... my chemicals just lack the transportation necessary to get my body moving the way my brain wants it to. Kind of like that devil on the shoulder... the angel says LET’S GO TEAM! The devil says BITE ME! That is precisely why I’m good at what I do... because I HAVE that little devil and can relate to those that do too because basically that is all it really is.. the devil saying “nope, not today, go get that bag of chips and some soda. Nope, not today don’t feel like getting off the couch because Grey’s Anatomy is on and I want to cry over characters of a story.”... my devil says it too. They all say it... it’s like there’s a devil school, kinda like clown school. The only difference is I HATE Grey’s Anatomy! But there seems to be some massive cult following to a show that is all about tragedy and relationship problems. Don’t we have enough of that in our own lives? Maybe if we paid as much attention to our own relationships instead of made up ones on TV we wouldn’t have such a high divorce rate, our kids wouldn’t be fat, and obesity in general wouldn’t be such an epidemic... Just a thought, but I digress.
So here I am standing naked before you, (figuratively of course), ready to embark once again on my fitness journey. My primary workouts will be from Beachbody simply because I LOVE workout videos and they have the best ones hands down. I will also be incorporating Yoga, TRX, and SMR (foam rolling) into my journey... and who knows maybe something else will peak my interest along the way.
Let’s Dig Deep here and Bring It! Are you with me!?
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