I had a major set back 2 weekends ago. Well, actually the set back ended up being the catalyst for me to get aggressive and do something about this. Through the course of the last few months I have determined that whatever is ailing me isn't anxiety or panic, it's hormonal. I have the iPeriod App on my iPhone and I've been tracking my moods and symptoms and it's all revolving around my cycle.
I have been saying since this nightmare started in 2004-2005 that it was hormonal. All of my symptoms point to it, but because "doctors know best" i believed them when they told me "anxiety". Thanks for the label! So I've been suffering with "anxiety" for nearly 10 years now. It's put my life in a stand still, and I'm pissed. NO MORE!
A couple of weekends ago, i had an unexplained, unprovoked, crazy - insane episode that made me want to admit myself to a rubber room! I'm not kidding! Instead, I called my BFF and her Fiance (who's practically a doctor) and they came over to my house and he discussed everything that i was going through with me. He feels that it's hormonal too, but what is causing it, and has been the culprit for so many years going undetected?
He pointed me in the direction of an endocrinologist, because those are the docs that handle things like this.. REALLY?!? I thought they were just for diabetics.. had i known..... but i digress. He also gave me an idea of what type of tests they should run, great! i have a starting point.
The rest of the weekend i suffered in silence, but i now had a light shining at the end of the tunnel so i was motivated and felt a little at ease despite the symptoms being overwhelming. I researched the doctors in my plan that fell into the category of doctors i needed.
First thing that Monday i started calling to make appointments. The first office i tried calling, Dr. Cobin in Ridgewood NJ, her staff was absolutely RUDE, short, no help at all, i refuse to be a part of a practice to be treated like garbage. The next doctor, no answer. The 3rd doctor, staff was unbelievably friendly and helpful so i booked my appointment, but not until January 18th! WHAT?! OK I'll suffer. In the meantime, I'll make an appointment with the Internal Medicine/Family Practice doctor my hubby goes to.
3 days later i met with a great, younger female doctor that listened to every single one of my symptoms. Talked to me about what I've endured the last 10 years. Made a photocopy of the list of symptoms I wrote down, and discussed tests, and what she feels is the culprit. Her goal: find out WHY.
I'm scheduled for pelvic ultrasounds next week to check the ovaries for cysts, an EKG to address the fluttering i get in my chest to rule out and cardiac problems, and 6 vials of blood to run all the tests that will possibly lead to the issue.. If anything, a base-line for the endocrinologist to start with.
When i told her who the Endo-Dr was she was happy with my choice. She knows the doctor and gave him high praises, as did the patients that left their recommendations all over the Internet. I feel better knowing i will end up in good hands in January, and that i finally found a doctor that isn't brushing this off as anxiety or stress. Who doesn't have stress!?! lol
In the meantime, Monday is my pelvic ultrasound, i hate those, but it has to be done. I'll keep you updated on the results of that. I can't wait to get this over with so i can be a productive member of society again!
Here is a list of symptoms that i was experiencing for 5 days straight:
Dizzy
Nausea
Heart Palps/Rapid Heart Beat
Night Sweats
Extreme Hot Flashes that lasted for HOURS
Anxiety/Panic feeling
Sensitivity to light, smells, sounds
Insomnia
Headaches
Severe oily skin
Acne
Trouble Concentrating
Confusion
Couldn't Remember anything
Sever bouts of uncontrolled hysterical crying
Moody
No Appetite
Jittery
Jumpy
Tingling in my hands and feet
The hardest part was the hot flashes and the nausea. When i say hot flashes they didn't come and go. I was extremely hot for hours on end, the cooling off/tremors started at around 10pm at night, then i would have night sweats, and when i say hot, i don't mean I'm uncomfortably warm, I'm sweating, and feel like I'm on fire. I could literally sit outside in a bikini and melt a 10 foot pile of snow with my hands and not feel a bit of cold. That's extreme - that's the scary part. I don't think stress or anxiety carries all of these symptoms at once, in fact i know it doesn't. Thankfully I'm on the road to getting this resolved and have doctors that actually care now.
Showing posts with label Symptoms of PMDD. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Symptoms of PMDD. Show all posts
11.23.2011
10.04.2011
Unlike a blackboard; a blog should never be erased
Over the course of the past 4 years or so I’ve created quite a few blogs about my journey with fitness and Beachbody programs. I had a REAL GREAT blog called "My Wedding Workout" that I created just to help keep me accountable to my fitness goals while I trekked to the isle to marry my wonderful husband.
Once I got married though, I didn't really see the need to keep that blog going, so instead of just not updating and letting the spiders find it and spin there interwebs for future brides... I deleted it. That was ONE of the many mistakes I’ve made in life, but the good thing about learning is that once you erase the blackboard, you can always write upon it again.
I have now transitioned from the crazy single chick on a mission to make sure she looked damn good in her wedding dress, to the madly insane wife of a police officer. lol yes I laugh as it's just a joke really... I'm not madly insane just a PMDD, PTSD, panic and anxiety disorder sufferer which leads to its occasional bouts of depression.
I realize that there is a huge closet population of PMDD; PTSD; Panic Disorder; Anxiety Disorder; Depression sufferers out there. How do I know? Because I am one, and I know one when I see them. Either by their words on a Facebook post, Sharecare blog, email, tweet, or personal conversation... I know who they are, and they know me too. We just know.
It’s a secret society... only we don’t have a 12 step program... we have a private meeting with a specialist that we pay to listen to our frustrations but can offer nothing of value but a blue piece of paper and another appointment to further the stress of having to pay more money to a disease that just doesn’t stop.
When I created this blog back in February it was to document my journey to the Spartan Race (in June) and The Tough Mudder (in November). I dropped out of the tough mudder because my disorder told me I won’t be ready to deal with winter temps in mud and water for 12 miles. Why? Because after the Spartan race in June I sunk into a deep depression; my anxiety & panic attacks were FIERCE and taking over my life... Why? Well if you insist... I weaned off of my medications to control them... Why? Boy you are very inquisitive aren’t you? Because DH and I want to start a family and the side effects greatly reduce the likelihood that I will have a normal child... Whatever normal means, but as a mother-to-be-but-not-yet it is MY responsibility to make sure my child gets the best head start it is afforded in life. Do you have any more questions about that? I think it sums it up nicely.
Back to what I was saying… So I dropped out of the race before it even started... I’m not regretting my decision... the race isn’t going anywhere... I’ll sign up for next year and hopefully I’ll be ready or with child.. one or the other it’s on the bucket list, so as long as the world sustains past 2012 I’ll be good to go, but I digress... I have to change the focus of the blog now because I’m no longer focusing on the races. I’m focusing on using fitness, something I’ve been passionate about since I was a teenager, as a means to get a hold of this Insanity.
The challenges are the PMDD and the depression because one goes hand-in-hand with the other. It all revolves around my menstrual cycle which is like being at six flags every day for an entire year... roller coaster after roller coaster (it’s no wonder I hate roller coasters) It’s a viscous cycle… kinda like laundry. Once the Spartan Race was over and the depression and anxiety took hold the workouts started to seize up. Housework and yard work and some occasional dog walks were about the extent of it my work outs. Which isn’t bad at all because I kept physically active with functional exercises in the form of everyday living, but it wasn’t nearly as intense as what I’m accustomed to.
For those that know me know I’m a personal trainer, I own my own business, which like this economy has tanked, but my optimistic self is keeping this train on course! And to broaden my base I am also a NASM Elite Trainer with Sharecare (since Jan 2011) and I am also an Independent Team Beachbody Coach (since Nov 2009). So I’m pretty rounded in the fitness industry as far as outlets to help people with their goals go, and I’m great at it. No self-plugging going on here... it’s just a fact... I can motivate people and get them to and beyond their goals. It’s just something that comes natural to me, possibly because I was in the customer service industry in the corporate environment since 1990 when I was able to start working as a teenager, oh and that I suffer from the aforementioned conditions.
Wait. I hear another question. How can I motivate people and not be motivated myself? Well, It’s not that I’m not motivated... far from... my chemicals just lack the transportation necessary to get my body moving the way my brain wants it to. Kind of like that devil on the shoulder... the angel says LET’S GO TEAM! The devil says BITE ME! That is precisely why I’m good at what I do... because I HAVE that little devil and can relate to those that do too because basically that is all it really is.. the devil saying “nope, not today, go get that bag of chips and some soda. Nope, not today don’t feel like getting off the couch because Grey’s Anatomy is on and I want to cry over characters of a story.”... my devil says it too. They all say it... it’s like there’s a devil school, kinda like clown school. The only difference is I HATE Grey’s Anatomy! But there seems to be some massive cult following to a show that is all about tragedy and relationship problems. Don’t we have enough of that in our own lives? Maybe if we paid as much attention to our own relationships instead of made up ones on TV we wouldn’t have such a high divorce rate, our kids wouldn’t be fat, and obesity in general wouldn’t be such an epidemic... Just a thought, but I digress.
So here I am standing naked before you, (figuratively of course), ready to embark once again on my fitness journey. My primary workouts will be from Beachbody simply because I LOVE workout videos and they have the best ones hands down. I will also be incorporating Yoga, TRX, and SMR (foam rolling) into my journey... and who knows maybe something else will peak my interest along the way.
Let’s Dig Deep here and Bring It! Are you with me!?
Once I got married though, I didn't really see the need to keep that blog going, so instead of just not updating and letting the spiders find it and spin there interwebs for future brides... I deleted it. That was ONE of the many mistakes I’ve made in life, but the good thing about learning is that once you erase the blackboard, you can always write upon it again.
I have now transitioned from the crazy single chick on a mission to make sure she looked damn good in her wedding dress, to the madly insane wife of a police officer. lol yes I laugh as it's just a joke really... I'm not madly insane just a PMDD, PTSD, panic and anxiety disorder sufferer which leads to its occasional bouts of depression.
I realize that there is a huge closet population of PMDD; PTSD; Panic Disorder; Anxiety Disorder; Depression sufferers out there. How do I know? Because I am one, and I know one when I see them. Either by their words on a Facebook post, Sharecare blog, email, tweet, or personal conversation... I know who they are, and they know me too. We just know.
It’s a secret society... only we don’t have a 12 step program... we have a private meeting with a specialist that we pay to listen to our frustrations but can offer nothing of value but a blue piece of paper and another appointment to further the stress of having to pay more money to a disease that just doesn’t stop.
When I created this blog back in February it was to document my journey to the Spartan Race (in June) and The Tough Mudder (in November). I dropped out of the tough mudder because my disorder told me I won’t be ready to deal with winter temps in mud and water for 12 miles. Why? Because after the Spartan race in June I sunk into a deep depression; my anxiety & panic attacks were FIERCE and taking over my life... Why? Well if you insist... I weaned off of my medications to control them... Why? Boy you are very inquisitive aren’t you? Because DH and I want to start a family and the side effects greatly reduce the likelihood that I will have a normal child... Whatever normal means, but as a mother-to-be-but-not-yet it is MY responsibility to make sure my child gets the best head start it is afforded in life. Do you have any more questions about that? I think it sums it up nicely.
Back to what I was saying… So I dropped out of the race before it even started... I’m not regretting my decision... the race isn’t going anywhere... I’ll sign up for next year and hopefully I’ll be ready or with child.. one or the other it’s on the bucket list, so as long as the world sustains past 2012 I’ll be good to go, but I digress... I have to change the focus of the blog now because I’m no longer focusing on the races. I’m focusing on using fitness, something I’ve been passionate about since I was a teenager, as a means to get a hold of this Insanity.
The challenges are the PMDD and the depression because one goes hand-in-hand with the other. It all revolves around my menstrual cycle which is like being at six flags every day for an entire year... roller coaster after roller coaster (it’s no wonder I hate roller coasters) It’s a viscous cycle… kinda like laundry. Once the Spartan Race was over and the depression and anxiety took hold the workouts started to seize up. Housework and yard work and some occasional dog walks were about the extent of it my work outs. Which isn’t bad at all because I kept physically active with functional exercises in the form of everyday living, but it wasn’t nearly as intense as what I’m accustomed to.
For those that know me know I’m a personal trainer, I own my own business, which like this economy has tanked, but my optimistic self is keeping this train on course! And to broaden my base I am also a NASM Elite Trainer with Sharecare (since Jan 2011) and I am also an Independent Team Beachbody Coach (since Nov 2009). So I’m pretty rounded in the fitness industry as far as outlets to help people with their goals go, and I’m great at it. No self-plugging going on here... it’s just a fact... I can motivate people and get them to and beyond their goals. It’s just something that comes natural to me, possibly because I was in the customer service industry in the corporate environment since 1990 when I was able to start working as a teenager, oh and that I suffer from the aforementioned conditions.
Wait. I hear another question. How can I motivate people and not be motivated myself? Well, It’s not that I’m not motivated... far from... my chemicals just lack the transportation necessary to get my body moving the way my brain wants it to. Kind of like that devil on the shoulder... the angel says LET’S GO TEAM! The devil says BITE ME! That is precisely why I’m good at what I do... because I HAVE that little devil and can relate to those that do too because basically that is all it really is.. the devil saying “nope, not today, go get that bag of chips and some soda. Nope, not today don’t feel like getting off the couch because Grey’s Anatomy is on and I want to cry over characters of a story.”... my devil says it too. They all say it... it’s like there’s a devil school, kinda like clown school. The only difference is I HATE Grey’s Anatomy! But there seems to be some massive cult following to a show that is all about tragedy and relationship problems. Don’t we have enough of that in our own lives? Maybe if we paid as much attention to our own relationships instead of made up ones on TV we wouldn’t have such a high divorce rate, our kids wouldn’t be fat, and obesity in general wouldn’t be such an epidemic... Just a thought, but I digress.
So here I am standing naked before you, (figuratively of course), ready to embark once again on my fitness journey. My primary workouts will be from Beachbody simply because I LOVE workout videos and they have the best ones hands down. I will also be incorporating Yoga, TRX, and SMR (foam rolling) into my journey... and who knows maybe something else will peak my interest along the way.
Let’s Dig Deep here and Bring It! Are you with me!?
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