On the edge of the dark forest

One night I dreamed I was walking along the beach with the Lord.
Many scenes from my life flashed across the sky.
If you have had the chance to touch base with my blogger blog “It’s a Crazy Place” then you know that my Mom’s Fiance’ passed away very recently. Trying to keep her from slipping into the blackness of depression is a feat that only the strong can accomplish.

Thankfully, I’ve been there, in the depths of darkness. At the time i wasn’t thankful, but as my favorite saying goes “Everything Happens for a Reason”. I used to think it was to get the one broad at my job fired because she was a time-stealing-thief, but now that this has happened to my Mother, i’m thinking this might be the actual reason why.

I learned a lot from my 6 months on the couch and 6 months of being a medicated guinnea pig.

1. never take life for granted, because you never know when it will end.

2. stop and listen to the sounds of life, and the visual beauty of it as well.

3. when something BIG happens, you better have a damn good support group and a good Dr. to get you through it.

When i was in, what i called, “My valley of darkness” the only support group i had was my Father, my friend who is a poice officer, and my Brother. My Mom “couldn’t deal with it”, yet i’m now helping her. Thankfully, for her sake, i’m not a spitefull person. I had (and still do from time to time) a great Psychologist for when the big things happen. He acts as my sounding board.

I’m trying to get her to see a “shrink” for lack of a better term, so that he/she can monitor her and make sure she is OK. They are more trained than i am to recognize deep depression, i can only see it by what actions she displays, and she is most cunning sometimes. Her fear is that they will medicate her and she will not function anymore. That’s BS because i’m medicated and feel better than i ever did in my entire life.. imagine that! living your whole life depressed and not even realizing it!

Through my journey in the valley of darkness i did find my God. At times i felt abandoned, alone, scared, desparate, suicidal even until i found the very famous poem “Footprints in the Sand”

In each scene I noticed footprints in the sand.
Sometimes there were two sets of footprints,
other times there were one set of footprints.
This bothered me because I noticed
that during the low periods of my life,
when I was suffering from
anguish, sorrow or defeat,
I could see only one set of footprints.
So I said to the Lord,
“You promised me Lord,
that if I followed you,
you would walk with me always.
But I have noticed that during
the most trying periods of my life
there have only been one
set of footprints in the sand.
Why, when I needed you most,
you have not been there for me?”
The Lord replied,
“The times when you have
seen only one set of footprints in the sand,
is when I carried you.”
-Mary Stevenson

This helped me understand my lonliness on my really bad days; it helped pull me through them as well.